im 20 years old... how did i end up here?

Im a 20 year old college student. It seems like yesterday I was a kid playing in the back yard all day without a care in the world. I don't know when things changed, back then there was no worry, no fear, and no idea of what was going on outside my life. I guess I was living the dream, I just didn't know it. Now I look at myself in the mirror and see a 20 year old... its pretty scary cause I see most of my life as a blur now, however every day feels so long. I guess most of my life has been full of irrelevancy, i hope to change that. I need to change that. It's hard being different from most people, at least I like to think of myself as different. Maybe we are all the same and just good at hiding it. I've been fighting to find happiness for my whole life. Yet, it still alludes me most days. There are good moments, and Im thankful for those... Thank God for those. I went through a period of life where I lost a lot of people that were close to me. It all happened within 2 and a half months. It was hell. I tried to be strong, because thats what your suppose to do when your a man. But on the inside i could barely find the strength to stand. I went around like this for about 3 years before it finally broke me. I found myself in a psych ward being treated for depression. It sucked to realize it had come to that, but as my treatment progressed I started to realize I could make this the turning point of my life. That is my goal. This blog is to help me express my feelings and assess where I am in my recovery and my journey through life as a kid that wants to live a life worth being proud of.