My Highs are High and My Lows are low... and I Don't Know Which Way to Go

Recently I've discovered that I don't find joy in winning. The other day I was playing pick up basketball and our team won the first 4 games but lost the 5th and final game. Most people would be happy with that record. I wasn't. I was furious and all I could think about is what I should have done to prevent the other team from winning, and the feeling sticks around till the next time I play. However, it returns as soon as my next loss occurs. People say sports and life have similar lessons. In life I don't focus on my success's, I only focus on my mistakes. It's not the best way to live... but it's going to be an uphill battle to change. I'm not perfect so I'm always going to have mistakes to focus on instead of focusing on any good I might have caused. I want to be perfect and I think it is ok to strive to be perfect. That way you continue to grow and better yourself as a person. I'm never going to be perfect and I'm never going to walk on water. My flaws are all around me... the scars on my arm, the lack of championship trophies in my room, and my hypocrisies. However, there are reminders of my success's... my friendship with Marshall, Jimmy, and my Grandma. As long as I have and maintain the respect and love from them I must not be doing to bad. I'm blessed to have a lot of good people around me that love me, but when I start having trouble its hard to go to anyone. So I just wait and take my pills. Ive been doing pretty good lately. But there is always the fear of everything falling apart. I wish that would go away. Till then all I can do is surround myself with the people I love and enjoy the moment.